When I became a teenager I wanted to be free like a bird. My mother also cared about birds, but she was interested in falcons, birds that can be trained to come back to her when she called. Her falcon was me. You can see the conflict here.
This difference caused serious conflicts between her and me. In short, my mother and I did not get along. When I now think about this situation, I see it in a different light.
My mother was the youngest of four children. Her mother, all her siblings, all her nieces and nephews were slaughtered by the Nazis. My mother, accustomed to being surrounded by a loving family, was lonely. She survived only because she, my father and I had moved to France. Besides her husband, I was her closest relative. My desire to be more independent was a threat to one of the two close relationships in her life. Although other parents may view their children’s growth with nostalgia and a little bit of sadness, for my mother my growing independence was a heart rending event.
December 11, 2022 at 1:40 pm
I understand both of you so well…This is both beautiful and heartbreaking…
December 11, 2022 at 1:41 pm
With age comes wisdom and hopefully forgiveness. I enjoyed reading your story. We missed you on the feminist zoom and hope to see you next time. Be well.
December 11, 2022 at 3:47 pm
Dear Sue, I remember your mother – and I remember her as a friend of Colette’s…. I remember writing you about your wedding – but I don’t remember why I was in the hotel room with you. After all – I was from Marius’ side of the family. We were really close cousins… and we laughed a lot. I remember you and Marius laughing together. That’s why it was always such a joy to visit you in your New Jersey house and visit Marius’ studio in the back. So now it’s you and me Sue – the Matriarchs. I’m waiting to hear that you are feeling better and enjoying your surroundings. We are still having warm fall weather – and on Thursday the whole family – 13 of us are going for 2 nights to a hotel at the dead sea for my 85th birthday. Just the thought of having breakfast with them all makes me so happy. Let us know how you are.
Love, Helen
December 11, 2022 at 3:56 pm
Everyone should be loved for who they are and your mother was loved by the relatives she had, however, distant.
December 11, 2022 at 6:41 pm
Dear Sue
Thanks for this new post. It sounds like you are in good form. One of my best friends’ Mum lost both her parents when she was only 5. They were arrested by the French police in the infamous Rafle du Vel d’Hiv in July 42. Today, even though she is a retired psychologist, she is still far too protective of her 50 year-old son whose successive partners have always been considered with a lot of suspicion. Is it just the Yiddishe Mama syndrome? Take care!
December 11, 2022 at 10:00 pm
I never knew that story about your mom, Sue. Thank you for having the courage to write about it. No matter the reason, conflict with one’s own parent is heart wrenching.
I think of you often…and miss our meetings.
December 12, 2022 at 7:12 pm
Suzanne you say so much in such a short space. Beautifully said and so poignant.
December 15, 2022 at 11:30 am
So happy to see another blog post from you in my email!
Thank you for sharing this! It’s beautiful. I find that the older I get, the more I can understand my parents personalities and their struggles.
I would like to come by for a visit soon.
Sue
December 16, 2022 at 8:20 pm
Dear Suzanne… your story of your mother’s family losses leading to her desire to keep you close is touching. The devastation during the war is difficult to take in. We have had such good fortune in this generation to live comfortably and see our children grow up and move on to successful lives on their own.
The sweet memories of times with you and Marius remain strong with me and many others…Sending caring thoughts and much love… Ben
December 20, 2022 at 1:16 pm
Dear mom,
As a young person I so loved our “Grandma Bubeshe” and her arrivaIs on the bus from Brooklyn, carting a sack with Drake’s Devil Dogs and Yodels and other treats. But I also witnessed the tension between the two of you. I also witnessed Eva’s decline and her own expressions of sadness about being “left behind” by a husband who died too young – your father Benjamin, who passed away when I was an infant and who I never knew.
Thank you for sharing this insightful perspective about your relationship with your mother. She never really shared her story with us (her grandchildren), but over time I have come to appreciate the incredible sacrifice and journey she undertook to protect her only child – my mom!
Love you always. M.